This is such a great question as teachings on “choosing love” are shared often. Whatever are we to do about those difficult people??
I would ask you, “Who is the one trying to love everyone?” “Who is the one deciding that being spiritual means loving everyone?”
Guess what the answer is… it is our ego! The ego is our small self – our separate identity in this world. When I’m identified with Corinne, I’m identified with the ego. When you are identified with {insert your name here}, you’re identified with the ego.
If we’re looking at this teaching of “choosing love” from the perspective of the ego, there HAS to be conflict in the idea. For how can you truly love everyone when you don’t feel good around certain people? And….what is your definition of “love”?
We can’t love everybody when we’re identified with our ego. The ego can’t “love” unconditionally because its purpose is to block love (the Love of God).
Love for everyone comes THROUGH us as we’re willing to hand over our perceptions, thoughts, and feelings to our Inner Teacher (the Holy Spirit) to be reinterpreted for us. Loving everyone comes naturally when we are looking to the Holy Spirit to be our guide, because the Holy Spirit is teaching us to remember that Love is what we truly ARE.
This doesn’t mean that you need to stay in close proximity to those who you find challenging. Nowhere in “A Course in Miracles” does it suggest that you need to stay in situations that are uncomfortable:
“Turning the other cheek does NOT mean that you should submit to violence without protest. It means that you cannot BE hurt, and do not want to show your brother anything EXCEPT your wholeness. Show him that he CANNOT hurt you and hold nothing against him, or you hold it against yourself.” ACIM Sparkle Edition pgs. 104-105
How do we show someone that we cannot BE hurt? By turning to the Holy Spirit in our minds, and being willing to see the Holy Spirit in their minds. In that place, we come to learn that Truth remains unchanged despite any appearances that our bodies’ eyes see. Our task is to continually be willing to exchange our perceptions for the Holy Spirit’s vision, as we can be sure that our own perceptions are faulty (but we can also be sure that we’ll “never lack correction” (from Workbook Lesson 194)). As we allow the Holy Spirit in our mind to reach to the Holy Spirit in the mind of another, we learn that there is nothing more loving than this that we can do.
So, the good news is that you (as your small self) do not have to worry about loving everyone. Whew! All you have to do is be exactly where you are at. If it feels right to remove yourself from the situation, do it, and bring everything that is coming up for you to the Holy Spirit in the process. If it feels right to set boundaries with another, do it, and bring what is coming up for you to the Holy Spirit.
At first, we decide from the ego whether we need to fight or to flee and THEN we ask the Holy Spirit to fix the situation for us. Eventually we learn through experience that we need do nothing of our small selves but give the thoughts/perceptions we have to the Holy Spirit and trust the Holy Spirit will re-translate our perceptions and will even direct us if there is something that It would have us say or do.
The Course asks us to examine every belief we hold. You can bring your feeling/belief/thought of conflict in the idea that “being spiritual means loving everyone” to the Holy Spirit, too. Ask the Holy Spirt to show you through experiences what it really means to love everybody. For this is the BEST teacher you can ask. 🙂
Dear Corinne,
Thanks for the question, and the response. This is an issue that has come up often for me, especially in matters of family members who make no bones about their unwillingness to connect and come together. It IS the ego, isn’t it, that seeks the mantle of “loving everyone.” Personally I have found that going down that road of “loving everyone” via the ego, produces disappointment, resentement, having the opposite effect of what I hoped to achieve.
You’re spot on Richard! Whenever we’re “trying to love everyone” it is always the ego doing the “trying.” And naturally, disappointment will result. All we have to “try” is turning to the Holy Spirit and allowing It to choose love FOR us. The results speak for themselves.
We try so hard to be perfect…that’s the ego making sure we fail. I appreciate these insights Corrine. It reminds me to turn willingly and often to the Holy Spirit for guidance. I like the idea of being able to maintain some boundaries with those who we find challenging. I ask the Holy Spirit to show me the real reasons for these challenges. I am willing to be shown and to receive the peace my awareness will bring.
I love this Nancy: “I ask the Holy Spirit to show me the real reasons for these challenges.” That is perfect!
Your right on.
Pat Y.
Smiling. This is a great way to think about it. One of the issues I have struggled with is how to safely interact with certain family members who are abusive. I think the outcome I’ve come to is that I keep myself safe via firm boundaries, which is not to say that I don’t love those who have abused me. I do love them, and I do forgive them . . . from a distance that is personally safe. Does this make sense?
Blessings!
It makes total sense! (Smiling right back at you)
This blog is so incredibly awesome, Corinne!
I think all can forget how crafty the ego is, and when it resorts to using our feeling about LOVE to inflict guilt on whatever we *think* we have or haven’t done – that’s just plain insane. We forget the ego will resort to anything. I think it is easy to confuse love with sacrifice because while we are dreaming the ego tries to teach s that love means suffering, How crazy is that? Love does not mean suffering. Guilt of any kind, no matter how small implies exchanging peace & happiness for fear.
Setting boundaries is an act of self love. The ego will say the opposite, but you can still send love without being in close proximity :).
This is beautiful Deedre! Thank you for sharing so much light!!
I am inspired by this. As usually exactly what I needed to read and remember today. Thank you.
Exactly what I needed to hear! So as I’m struggling with this, now I know it’s my ego trying to control my thoughts. And it all leads back to giving it all to the Holy Spirit. I was beginning to feel I couldn’t love! Thank you!