The course emphasizes that we only need a tiny bit of willingness for that miracle – that shift in perception – to occur. And this is true! We’re asked to do so little.
So we hand our situation over to the Holy Spirit, again and again. But we still feel stuck with it. What is going on? Why does it feel like this is all such a struggle?
Because there is part of us (are you ready for this?) that WANTS the struggle, the difficulty, the conflict.
We’ve built blocks to love because we wanted to experience ourselves as separate and autonomous – father unto our self. By keeping the blocks in place, we get to keep the ego going. “The ego grows strong in strife.” We’re okay with letting a little love in, but not too much. The call to love is so strong, however, the only way to deny it is to be unwilling to heal.
Unwilling? Yep. Freud called it the “death instinct,” and we also know it by terms like “self-destructive behavior,” “resistance,” or “self-sabotage.”
You DO need just a tiny bit of willingness. But you also have to acknowledge where you are NOT willing to heal. God won’t transform something for us if we don’t bring it to Him. This requires honesty, openness, and willingness to look at the unwillingness WITH the Holy Spirit.
Turning something over to the Holy Spirit is only the first step. We need to acknowledge where we DON’T want to heal and give that to the Holy Spirit too.
There is a selection in the URText (the original writing of ACIM) that speaks to this next step, what we need to do AFTER turning something over to the Holy Spirit:
…and your willingness need not be complete, because His is perfect. It is His task to atone for your UNwillingness by His perfect faith. And it is HIS faith you share with him there. Out of YOUR recognition of your Unwillingness for your release, His PERFECT Willingness is GIVEN you. Call upon Him, for Heaven is at his call. And LET Him call on Heaven FOR you. – UR p.452 (emphasis added)
If you feel anything other than a deep sense of peace or have any type of struggle within the day, acknowledge it as an unwillingness to heal, and hand it over to Him. Say, “This is where I’m unwilling to heal. Here you go Holy Spirit!” Keep at it. The universe is “trembling with readiness” to give us all of the gifts that are already there, waiting to be acknowledged.