Over the past several weeks, I noticed I had an unexplainable feeling of flatness surrounding A Course in Miracles (ACIM). Since I began studying it in 1997, I’ve honestly never put the book down. My typical enthusiasm and love for the Course seemed like it went away on vacation, and this was upsetting to me.
I had a sense that something was shifting inside, only I had no idea what. I kept getting the feeling that I was going through some kind of “period of undoing” only this period simply entailed a feeling of flatness. There were no big upheavals, no anxiety, and no drama whatsoever.
“Forget this world, forget this Course, and come with wholly empty hands unto your God.” – ACIM Lesson 189
As I pondered this strange feeling of flatness, the above ACIM quote kept coming repeatedly to mind, almost like a broken record. “How can I forget this Course,” I thought? There’s no other pathway in the world that has helped me so much.
I’ve noticed in my journey that some form of pain often precipitates huge shifts and deepening peace. Pain hurts, and so I GET TO WORK in relinquishing everything, wholly willing for a new perception to come to me. Rather than allowing pain to “prove” that I am a body, pain has been a helpful catalyst for growth.
The pain of the world was about to show up smack in my face again. A family member sent me a video about a rescued chicken (you know how I love my pet chickens), and upon watching the video, I learned about a religious mass animal sacrifice that occurs every year. This particular chicken was rescued from the animals that were to be sacrificed, and I learned about the horrific treatment of these animals. I sobbed for about an hour and was so upset with the person who sent me the video. Yet there are no mistakes.
I quickly recognized that this was JUST ONE of the MANY horrors of the world. Be it these particular animals, factory farming, harming the environment, genocide, sexual abuse, etc., the atrocities of this world are endless. And it came to me that what I am seeing is an IMAGE, an outward picturing of MY state of mind. These horrific scenes ARE IMAGES I have made to replace truth in my awareness:
“Whatever I see reflects my thoughts. It is my thoughts that tell me where I am and what I am. The fact that I see a world in which there is suffering and loss and death shows me that I am seeing only the representation of my insane thoughts, and am not allowing my real thoughts to cast their beneficent light on what I see…” From Review Lesson 53: My thoughts are images that I have made.
In that moment, I had a surge of desire within to end suffering for EVERY living thing. Fixing the picture “out there” felt like it would take too long to achieve, I wanted relief from suffering for all, NOW. A willingness arose in me unlike anything I had ever experienced before:
“I want to wake up FROM the dream, not just in it.”
Upon feeling these words in myself, I felt a surge of peace return at the thought that I want to allow my own mind to be healed, more than anything else in this world. Those chickens being sacrificed are me. The people doing the slaughtering are me. I no longer want to continue attacking myself.
At no time prior to this was I wholly willing to let go of my identity as Corinne. I used to be afraid that if I “aced” the Course, I’d get whisked away into the oblivion of Love (this was simply an ego-based fear). But this time I desired Truth above all else. I felt completely willing to know what I AM and let go of my limited identity as Corinne the image maker. I want to know the Love of what we are because I want healing for ALL. And guess what… I’m still here.
Fast forward to the second annual Miracle Share Virtual Conference on ACIM. Every time I speak with John Mark Stroud of “One Who Wakes,” I have some sort of profound experience. This was my second year interviewing him for the conference, and to my surprise, our video interview and then live Q&A call addressed EXACTLY what I was going through regarding my “flatness.”
In his conference video, John Mark spoke about how our spiritual beliefs are often the most fearful to relinquish. We cling to them, yet they are “beliefs” which are still removed from the simple experience of Truth.
I got the clear internal message that my “flatness” with A Course in Miracles, was guidance to let go of my identity as A Course in Miracles Student. I felt the fear that John Mark was talking about in relinquishing spiritual beliefs. “WHO AM I if I am not a student of A Course in Miracles? Yikes!”
When I shared this with John Mark during the conference Q&A call, he enthusiastically and joyfully congratulated me.
The whole experience of being guided to “let go” felt as if I was standing on roller skates, and without moving my body, a magnetic pull coming from my chest was pulling me forward to let go of A Course in Miracles. As I am being pulled forward, my hands are thrown up in the air and I’m saying to myself, “WTF is going on!?” I’m not doing ANYTHING and yet I’m being directed to let go of ACIM.
I know enough by now that when I feel guidance come forward I can trust it. Even if it seems totally crazy. So I obliged. I became willing to let go of A Course in Miracles. Instantaneously, a surge of peace returned. The internal shift happened. The feeling of flatness evaporated and I felt freer than I ever have before. What remains is a feeling of “I AM.”
I continue to see big shifts that may be effects of my heartfelt desire to wake up FROM the dream. People around me who I never expected would awaken in this lifetime, are having spiritual awakenings. The teachings of A Course in Miracles feel clearer to me than before. My trust has deepened. Nothing “external” has changed in my life, I still read and teach and learn from A Course in Miracles. But the shift inside is palpable to me.
Here’s to the joy of our collective waking up. It is actually a fun, gentle, and joyous process! I’m ready to end suffering in all of its forms. Are you with me? Let me know by leaving a comment below. ♥
2022 UPDATE: I wrote this post in 2015. I was brought back to reading it after having another deep experience with being guided to let go of A Course in Miracles in an act of faith and trust. You can read my recent reflection on releasing ACIM to trust in Spirit directly, here.