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In this second post, I’m helping my friend Annie deal with her “job ick,” consisting of an unhappy work environment in a restaurant, with roaches in the kitchen. I challenge her to really look at how this situation is coming from her own mind in PART 1 (read it first). Here is Part 2, the continuation of our emails:
On Sat, Feb 26, at 5:27 PM, Corinne Zupko wrote:
You are making me LAUGH!
This is just the thing…. YOU (Annie) CAN’T “shift that thing” inside!!! That “thing” is your ego and our egos are NEVER going to be Holy!! They were made apart from love (there is nothing to be afraid of here).
You CAN’T prepare yourself for the Holy Instant by “cleaning up” your ego.
I was just reading this and it is perfect (Original edition: Ch 18 Pt. 5 – The Little Willingness, emphasis added):
“The desire and the willingness to let [the Holy instant] come precedes its coming. You prepare your minds for it only to the extent of recognizing that you want it above all else. It is not necessary that you do more; indeed, it is necessary that you realize that you CANNOT DO MORE….” (from paragraph 32)
“Trust not your good intentions. They are not enough. But trust implicitly your willingness, whatever else may enter. Concentrate ONLY on this and BE NOT DISTURBED that shadows surround it” (paragraph 33; The Course says over and over again, DO NOT BELIEVE the PICTURE (which is what our bodies eyes see)).
“You have been wrong in thinking that it is needful to PREPARE yourself for Him. It is impossible to make arrogant preparations for holiness and NOT believe that it is up to you to establish the conditions for peace” (para. 35)
“You make [the Holy Instant] difficult because you insist there must be more that you need to do. And it is very hard for you to realize that it is not personally insulting that your contribution and the Holy Spirit’s are so disproportionate. You are still convinced that your understanding is a powerful contribution to the truth and makes it what it is. Yet we have emphasized that YOU NEED UNDERSTAND NOTHING” (para. 39).
Annie, I think you’re in a place where I’ve been very recently. Up until this point, I worked the Course. I read it, and I applied it…. oh maybe 60% of the time. The time has come to REALLY start to put this into practice. It is time to LIVE the Course. That starts by recognizing I DO NOT KNOW and that I’m WILLING to not believe the picture. But I need to be shown HOW to do this. The “how” is done by getting out of the way and letting the Holy Spirit do its job.
After several days of working with my UNwillingness (like in the blog entry I previously mentioned) a shift came for me. So keep touching and owning your own UNwillingness and turning it over to the Holy Spirit.
This is where the “rubber is hitting the road.” You’re going to make it. It is guaranteed.
Date: Sun, 27 Feb 15:12:09 -0500
Subject: Re: new job ick
Taking a day of quiet…mostly. Only speaking to those who know and understand the spiritual nature of my dilemma. It is a temporary state and feel that I am on the verge of greater understanding, really, and truly I do believe and feel this “knowledge” “knowing”.
I am studying my homework and came across a passage about slaying dragons and he who does this conquers. My metaphor for my “ego” or “dark ickyness” in the present case, which is dirty perception and icky bugs (which by the way at the restaurant the roaches are called “dragons” for code so customers will not be alarmed). Oh! Sense of humor once again!!!!
My job in conjunction with the Holy Spirit may be to metaphorically kill the dragon, or kill the ego….and what I mean by kill is ALLOW softly, quietly, gently, lovingly, with great BRIGHT LIGHT and LOVE, the help of the Angels, and of course the presence of the HOLY SPIRIT and my Guardian Brother JESUS, do the work for me. I just have to be OPEN to it’s coming and as you and the course have assured me….it is guaranteed! By me struggling, fighting, pushing, grasping, and attempting to BE the Holy Spirit….I make myself INSANE and am following the guise of the dumb ego who is not a friend at all, and who knows nothing.
When I align my MIND with the HOLY SPIRIT (my higher mind)…and allow this part of my mind to function at it’s highest capacity….hmmmmm, I’ll find peace. And when I look to this “unrealness” and the made up story of the victim or whatever to be my guide…..I stay in body. I now release all my icky junk to the Holy Spirit and I will allow the light and love of that presence to guide me in the matters of the restaurant where there is nothing but love, but where I’ve chosen to see something else. I may or may not stay working there, and this question answer does not need to be decided today.
Back to being my version of quiet, which is doing my homework! I feel at peace again.
Love you and thank you for your continual guidance and understanding.
On Sun, Feb 27, at 6:58 PM, Corinne Zupko wrote:
YES YES YES!!!!!!! What you’re saying is right on. SAVE what you wrote as a lovely reminder. You’ve got it girl!!! Keep going. Annie can’t figure it out but YOU, my dear, are a BRIGHT light and CANNOT fail!!!
You made a great point about “attempting to BE the Holy Spirit.” This is our “spiritual ego” at work. It is the ego sneaking in again, elevating itself, this time using spirituality as a means of keeping our allegiance. Sneaky ego!
I loved the voicemail message you left me too – you said something the “thought behind the thought” and that “thought behind the thought” is where the work needs to get done. Our surface level thoughts are not where the work gets done. We are teaching our split mind, which is deeper than our surface level thoughts, that it is not happy being separate. WE (Corinne and Annie) can’t do this. But we can offer that willingness/awareness up to the Holy Spirit and ask for the truth instead. YEAH!!!
Love ya! xo
Annie came back to peace again, and although the circumstances surrounding her leaving this job weren’t necessarily smooth, as the Course says, “To doubt a healing because of the continual presence of symptoms is a mistake in the form of lack of trust.”
For me, my biggest realization in helping Annie work the Course, is that her problems are a reflection of the separation in MY mind. I must take what I see to the Holy Spirit too. And I find that whatever I say to others, is what I need to hear. If I look closely with 100% honesty, I can easily tell someone how to work with Course principles, and yet have hidden areas that I don’t apply it to my own life (e.g. that challenging family member, etc.). This is MY task always – to leave “no dark cornerstone hidden.” I am willing.
Were you wondering about those “dragons?” We later found out that the restaurant closed for a time due to a Board of Health complaint. 🙂